I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
