I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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