so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
