Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
