so explain again why im purple
no
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
