I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
