i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want her autograph on my taint
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
