He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
