I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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