Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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