you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
