If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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