these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
