who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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