It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
