I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
