That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
