next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
