It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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