Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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