puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
