But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
