I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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