theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
