The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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