I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
