Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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