As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
