at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
