i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
