wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
COCAINE IS GR8
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
