He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
