i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
