Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
