when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
