im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
