I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
