how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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