2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
