would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
