that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
