It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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