he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
