He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
