Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
