I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
