I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
