Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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