the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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