maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
